8.10.25 | 2:44 PM ♡

     Today I woke around 10:30 in the morning. I wanted to go back to sleep but decided to get up to have an earlier start to my day. I felt more inspired today, and open to possibility. Usually, I would wake up after 12:00 in the afternoon. Today however, I had to go somewhere. I fed Copper and put her outside while I made a matcha drink. I just started drinking matcha because I heard it is equivalent to green tea, and may help with energy because it contains caffeine. In the past, I've stayed away from caffeinated beverages because I do not like to depend on any substance. However, I've been searching for new ways to stay energized since I am always tired and unmotivated. I recently purchased the supplement l-theanine after some research because it is a precursor to dopamine. I believe that if I have enough dopamine, I will be able to focus on more important tasks than falling into the hole of constantly looking for the next high. I have not taken my supplements today yet, but I will soon. 

    I then sat on the porch with the dogs and drank my drink while I waited for my dad. When dad got here, we went to the pizza place we used to frequently eat at to pick up food. When he went in to pick up food and came back out, he told me that they were happy to see him and gave him a free bottle of wine to take home. The owner told him that he has a lot of his favorite wine stacked up since we haven't visited in awhile. This gave me a sense of sadness, but I let it pass. The highway was backed up so we had to take a different route to get to my grandpa's house.

    When we got to my grandpa's house, I said hello and told him Happy Birthday. He said thank you, and my dad asked if he remembered who I am. He said no, so my dad had to tell him I'm his granddaughter. This didn't make me feel as sad as I should, but I feel bad for him. 

    I got home, and now it is 3:10 pm after writing this. I am tired, and am debating a nap. I want to do more, but the more I plan, I usually overwhelm myself and end up doing nothing. I hope this won't be the case for long. 

    I want to start creating paintings again, and make my own portfolio. Instead of replicating real-life, I want to create images based on the subconscious. My first idea is to depict dissociation. I am trying to figure out perspective. Either viewing myself from the top corner of a room, or standing directly across from each other. I want to use green accents and maybe black as the background. I could use my digital camera to get a reference. 

     I will write more.

                                                                                                                                          Ry's Blog | 3:16 PM